The Ten Best Late Night Greasies in Melbourne
Late night snacks with a good ol’ dose of Vitamin G.
There’s nothing better than treating your grumbling stomach with greasy cuisine after a late night of shenanigans. While a liquid diet is enough for some, for many a night on the town is not complete without tucking into something on the way home. The only criteria? Deep fried and crunchy.
But where can you go after midnight without resorting to a soggy 7/11 sausage roll in desperation? Thankfully, a host of greasy do-gooders keep their doors open and deep-fryers switched on long past midnight. You’ll never have to go to McDonald’s again.
CHILLI CHEESE FRIES AT LE BON TON
A touch of class in Melbourne’s late night greasies, this New Orleans-style eatery offers beautifully candlelit shelter from the night, complete with an oyster saloon, smokehouse, cocktail bar and an absinthe den. Fully licensed around the clock, the Collingwood favourite runs a limited menu until 6am — thankfully including all the deep fried snacks you desire. Try their legendary Texas-style chilli cheese fries, crisped to perfection with a very excellent cheddar dipping sauce that will definitely hit the spot.
PICKLE DOG AT MASSIVE WEINERS
After a 12 or a six-inch? Or perhaps you can only manage a three-inch Little Pecker? For some late night schoolboy humour, hot dog style, Massive Weiners is a crowd-pleaser — and they’re open until 4am Fridays and 4.30am on Saturdays. The delicious hot dogs come with a range of extras such as sauerkraut, cheddar cheese, beef and bean chilli sauce and jalapenos. And while size isn’t important, Massive Weiner does care for its non-meat inclined eaters and offers soy hot dog options as well
MARGHERITA PIZZA AT CAFE ROMANTICA
On the Brunswick end of Lygon Street, this late-night haven serves delicious and traditional pizzas right ’round the clock — in fact, the only time they close is between 5pm Monday and 5am Tuesday. Styled like an Italian version of an American diner, it’s a family-run business that — perhaps unlike your own family — will welcome you with open arms regardless of the ungodly hour you decide to waltz in. For a token greasy meal, try one of their 27 homemade pizzas with plenty of toppings and a whole lot of stringy cheese.
LAMB GIROS SOUVLAKI AT STALACTITES
Some things taste better in the wee hours of the morning, and the humble souvlaki is one of the foods that transform into a magical sensation for your tastebuds when consumed past midnight. For a top melt-your-mouth souva, Stalactites is a 24/7 Greek institution that has been making a many late-night reveller happy since 1978. Expect a generous portion of Greek goodness, enriched in good ol’ Vitamin G (that is, grease).
PAN FRIED DUMPLINGS AND PORK BUNS AT CHINA BAR
While other Chinatown restaurants sadly shut-up shop by 11pm, this bustling franchise continue to cater to your fried dumpling and pork bun needs until the after-clubbing hours of 5am. This enormous buffet-style eatery has every Chinese culinary delight to poke a chopstick at, from steaming plates of curry chicken or deep-fried dim sims. While the dumplings may not be as cheap as hidden-alley dumpling joints, they are still hot, fried and delicious.
CHICKEN POPS AT BAM SAE NIGHTBIRDS
With a menu section titled ‘fried’ you already know you can’t go wrong here with your selection of oily noms. This aptly named ‘Night Birds’ Korean restaurant continues serving masses of night owls until 4.30am in laid-back surrounds, mixing fried treats with house-special cocktails. Chicken Pops proves a popular snack: deep fried chicken complete with a mixed salad dripping in sweet chilli and chilli mayo sauce. If a simple snack won’t cut it, the $29 all-you-can-eat buffet promises the ultimate greasy feast from spicy octopus, LA beef ribs and spicy chicken with cheese.
CHARCOAL CHICKEN AT BELLEVILLE
For a hot chicken hankering that no KFC outlet can ever fill, venture to Belleville, hidden upstairs in Chinatown. Cooked traditionally on a huge Brazilian-style rotisserie, this high-quality chicken will raise the bar on your bird expectations. Enjoy a quarter, half or full chook smothered with a delicious sauces in the bar and restaurant until 1am.
MIXED KEBAB AT TOWN HALL KEBAB
Perfectly located between the best drinking holes in Brunswick, this semi-permanent kebab stand offers a no-frills and no-nonsense approach to the delicious kebab. The one-manned hole-in-the-wall knows how to make a tasty kebab, pleasing late night stragglers with wrapped up salad and slow-cooked meats until 2am. As well as being enough to make your heart sing in delight, the obvious signage (reading ‘Kebab & Coffee’) is also a bonus for your tired eyes. Plus, Bordain went there.
PIZZA AT LUCKY COQ
After late night frivolities southside, duck into the cheap and cheerful Lucky Coq for an equally as cheap and cheerful pizza. With dim-lighting, electronic tunes and kitsch furniture, it’s a pleasant venue to stop and recharge the batteries by hoeing into some greasy tucker. While the pizzas triple in price from their dirt cheap $4 price tag earlier in the evening, it’s still the best place in Prahran for a vegetarian, meaty or seafood pizza right up until 2.30am.
THE CLASSIC BURGER AT EMBASSY CAFE
Park yourself in a plastic seat alongside cabbies, ravers and shift workers, and get your late night burger fix in this 24-hour retro-style burger joint. Praised widely for being a hangover cure, their burgers are also believed to be a hangover preventer — on par with water and Panadol. Treat yourself to the classic with the lot, topped with tomato, delectable beef patties, and rashers of bacon that are the perfect mix between sweet and salty.
First published on Concrete Playground